If you’ve turned on the TV, or have been to Target, Wal-Mart, Rite-Aid, CVS, or any other retailer of manufactured goods these days, you have probably seen and heard a lot of buzz about a new game that is taking America’s youth by storm: Punch the Leprechaun’s Dick.
It’s a game of skill and chance, or at least that’s how it’s billed on the company’s website. But does Punch The Leprechaun’s Dick promote an unhealthy attitude toward leprechauns? Barnacle O’Flaherty, chief counsel for the League of Irish Gold-Hoarding Dwarfs, seems to think so. Barnacle is leading a boycott of PTLD world-wide, including the home version sold in stores. “It’s not anyone else’s dicks but the leprechauns’ that are going to get punched,” Mr. O’Flaherty was quoted as saying on “The View” back in March, adding, “and if anyone is going to have a say in whether PTLD is safe or unsafe, it’s we leprechauns…and our dicks.”
The rules of PTLD are very simple.
- Find a leprechaun.
- Punch The Leprechaun’s Dick.
Typically played at children’s birthday parties, PTLD has taken the place of older party games like “Pin the Tail on the Donkey” and “Shit on Ted Cruz’s Face,” a game with its own commode and several pictures of the Texas Senator to choose from. Though there is really nothing to be purchased for the game, a kit that includes boxing gloves and salve (for the leprechaun’s dicks) can be purchased for $19.99 in most stores.
While there are technically no points in PTLD, O’Flaherty says that there are definitely losers in the game. “Well, I’d say that any leprechaun that gets his dick punched could be called one of the game’s losers,” he said to Barbara Walters in a late 2014 interview about the game. O’Flaherty also told Walters in that interview that he doesn’t “understand why anyone would want their children to play a game where the point of it all is to punch someone in the groin” but that maybe a compromise could be reached.
“My clients have said that they are willing to allow for some leprechauns to be dick-punched,” O’Flaherty recently told journalists at a pot luck charity dinner held for the preservation of four-leafed clovers, “but they have to be the leprechauns we say can get a punch in the dick. We get it. We’re like every variation of human on Earth — we have our own cultural biases and strife. Therefore, if someone would have just asked us beforehand, we could have pointed out a myriad of leprechauns whose beliefs — political, spiritual, whatever — make us want to punch them in the dick.” He said that he’d have “offered those assholes up to you on a silver platter” if he had been asked about it before the game was invented.
Whether or not Mr. O’Flaherty’s proposition is adopted, parents will need to start asking themselves some hard questions about Punch The Leprechaun’s Dick. Is it right for their child? Is it right for any child? And, perhaps least importantly but should still be considered on some very small, minute, passing level…Is it good for leprechauns and/or their dicks?
Tell us in the comments how you feel about PTLD! Have you let your kids play it? If so, why? If not, why not? We want to know!
Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.